Grand Canyon Train

by Zephyr Goza
March 3, 2003

I sit and stare out the window as the train comes to a stop in the middle of nowhere. A few seconds go by. As the train starts to pick up again . . .WHAM! The man with the gun enters the car. He is followed by two more men, both holding guns. "All right, folks," he grins maliciously. "Let's have them valuables." I'm not worried. I know his pistol is a fake. As he heads toward my seat in the back, I raise my hands and grin, "I have an old ripped newspaper. Is that valuable?" He stops and looks at me. "Someone throw this kid out a window." He mutters, and moves on to the second car.

I was just part of a mock train robbery. The above mentioned bandits were actually costumed actors. It's all part of the ride. Whoa, you're thinking. What ride and where does the line start? In Arizona. Williams, Arizona. There, for about $58 for adults, $28 for kids, you can ride a train to the Grand Canyon, where you stop for three hours, hike or whatever and hitch the two-hour ride back on the train, and collapse in an exhausted heap.

And they do quite a bit to keep you from being bored. They start out before the train leaves Williams with a gunfight. And you - what? - No you can't be the target. Anyway, then you board the train where you are entertained with singers after departure. After they pass by it's time for your daily dosage of product placement. That's right - complimentary Pepsi©! Woo-hoo! Then the ride stops at the Grand Canyon. I recommend going in winter. You can clobber other kids with snowballs twice their size. Be prepared for revenge though! If you want even more fun, throw a snowball onto the hiking trail from ½ mile up. "Ow! What th- - ?! Hail!!" Don't do this with an icicle or a boulder-sized snowball though. That's not funny - it's malicious. Better yet, don't do it at all. That's a good idea for everything I say.

If there was more of a snow bank built up on the edge sledding down the ice on the trail would be fun. Except for the people you knock over the edge.

And now it's time for the return trip to Williams. (Before you get on the train, get the environmentally educational Canyon Comics at the Kolb Studio bookstore!) Here is where you get robbed. And yes, you caffeine lovers there will be more free Pepsi ©. If you're shy, be careful - they love to make you sing along here. Before you go, fill out this form:

When the ride is over, kids get a free whistle (a bullet shell). As they say, "practice all the way home: it helps dad drive."